she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Randomize
