upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
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