idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
Randomize
