Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
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