I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
Randomize
