tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
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