I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
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