he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
I love how my cats smell like pot.
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize
