True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
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