I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Randomize
