Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
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