I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
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