Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize
