i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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