His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
if only i could text you this smell
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
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