Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
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