He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
Randomize
