The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Randomize
