she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
