We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
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