Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
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