so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
Randomize
