Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
Randomize
