bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
Randomize
