we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
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