So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
I cut my penus on the lid.
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
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