we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
You brought string cheese to the strip club
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
Randomize
