Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Randomize
