Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
