i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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