my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
