Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
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