and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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