Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
