belinda wants 2 know wr u got ur butt pads
i dont wear butt pads that thang is au naturel
Yeah...right...LMAO
Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
Someone shattered a urinal.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
Randomize
