yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.
walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
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