Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Randomize
