Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
The power of my boobs compel you
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
Randomize