i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize
