Where you are. You must stay where you are are
Where you are. You must stay where you are arewhere are youu
Where you are. You must stay where you 5eare wher are you!!
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
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