i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
Randomize
