she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Randomize
