i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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