Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Randomize
