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i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
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