ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
where are my eyebrows?
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
