I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
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