I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
Randomize
