i need an iv and a liver transplant
I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
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