It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
Randomize
