And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
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