You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
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