I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
