If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
Randomize
