I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Randomize
