im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
he was CRYING into my vagina
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
