Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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