His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
Randomize
