When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
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