The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
im holly from the hills drunk
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
Randomize
