In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
