I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
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