Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
Randomize
