that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Randomize
