Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
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