He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
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