Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
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