Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
There are leaves in my underwear?
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
Randomize