I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
