I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
God gave him joint rollers for hands
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
