hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
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