You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
She's just so happy...and so naked.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
Randomize