Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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