You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
Randomize
