1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
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